Just to Keep it Going

Just to Keep it Going

Fan-fucken-tastic, H’s wonderful schizoaffective bipolar disorder is showing its pretty face… that right now I just want to punch.

Apparently wanting a hug from him last night as i was going to bed before him is too much to ask.

And when I get up at 10pm wondering why he’s still up, I find him folding washing which is fine, but I say ” I’ll do that tomorrow if you like” me thinking he might like to chill out before bed and he storms out of the house as if what I really said was “don’t do that your fucking it all up”.

So when he does go to bed, I was still up at this point, I wait 10 minutes for him to maybe fall asleep and join him, I don’t make a sound, 15 minutes later I roll over in bed, suddenly he jumps out of bed, and storms off to the spare bed room, slamming the door, so I confront him with ” what the fuck” because im getting quite angry at this point, he leaves the house to stay at his friends.

At some point I told him he needs to go talk to his nurse, but he said he feels fine, he actually thinks its all me, that I am attacking him.

I have said no more than 10 words to him since being home from work and everything I have asked or said he has responded as if it was an attack.

I just can’t take this anymore…. I don’t think trying to have kids is even a good idea anymore… even though we have been trying so hard.

I’m starting to hate him.


4 thoughts on “Just to Keep it Going

    1. He’s worried about other stuff, totally unrelated to the ivf. Yes I have, but apparently you only get 2 visits, and after our last miscarriage that H some how didnt recognise happened, he secretly booked one of them to use all by himself because he wanted to know why I had been upset…..and I was thinking it would be a good idea to save the second for if our last frozen embryo doesn’t work


      1. That’s hard chick, I’m not sure what else to recommend. We have never used the counselling services but I’m sure you could ring Anne Ott and have a one on one over the phone? She may have other ideas?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s