Just to Keep it Going

Just to Keep it Going

Fan-fucken-tastic, H’s wonderful schizoaffective bipolar disorder is showing its pretty face… that right now I just want to punch.

Apparently wanting a hug from him last night as i was going to bed before him is too much to ask.

And when I get up at 10pm wondering why he’s still up, I find him folding washing which is fine, but I say ” I’ll do that tomorrow if you like” me thinking he might like to chill out before bed and he storms out of the house as if what I really said was “don’t do that your fucking it all up”.

So when he does go to bed, I was still up at this point, I wait 10 minutes for him to maybe fall asleep and join him, I don’t make a sound, 15 minutes later I roll over in bed, suddenly he jumps out of bed, and storms off to the spare bed room, slamming the door, so I confront him with ” what the fuck” because im getting quite angry at this point, he leaves the house to stay at his friends.

At some point I told him he needs to go talk to his nurse, but he said he feels fine, he actually thinks its all me, that I am attacking him.

I have said no more than 10 words to him since being home from work and everything I have asked or said he has responded as if it was an attack.

I just can’t take this anymore…. I don’t think trying to have kids is even a good idea anymore… even though we have been trying so hard.

I’m starting to hate him.

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4 thoughts on “Just to Keep it Going

    1. He’s worried about other stuff, totally unrelated to the ivf. Yes I have, but apparently you only get 2 visits, and after our last miscarriage that H some how didnt recognise happened, he secretly booked one of them to use all by himself because he wanted to know why I had been upset…..and I was thinking it would be a good idea to save the second for if our last frozen embryo doesn’t work

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      1. That’s hard chick, I’m not sure what else to recommend. We have never used the counselling services but I’m sure you could ring Anne Ott and have a one on one over the phone? She may have other ideas?

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